Week Seventeen.

Ohayo gozaimasu!

Wow, what a week. Not gonna lie, it was pretty terrible.

Johnson Shimai crashed her bike again and hurt her collarbone. Nothing was wrong again, just bruised like last time, but whenever she crashes the morale gets kinda glum because she is sore and tired and things... so that was how this last week felt.

We taught a lesson to our 2 investigators Urasawa san and Hirano san. Urasawa san has major issues with living prophets. She absolutely does not believe in the need for a prophet. It was a bad lesson. Nothing went smooth and it seemed like most of it was arguing. I didnt understand anything so after the lesson my companion explained. That lessons was actually a joint lesson which I think helped, but I am not really sure. I am pretty sure Urasawa san has absolutely no interest in the gospel and she only wants to learn English. I dont know what to do and I dont want to teach her again because it is scary and I have no idea what to even say. She isnt progressing!

Our other investigator Hirano san has a lot of questions about our church which is good. We planned on teaching her about God and prayer and we were able to stick to our plan! But, Hirano san asked a question about prayer at the beginning of the lesson and I thought she said something like ``I dont believe in God because when I ask for things, I dont ever receive what I ask for. He doesnt answer prayers so how can you believe in God.`` So I told a personal experience about a time when God didnt answer one of my prayers and that he didnt help me when I desperately needed help. I closed my story by saying that there is a purpose for everything and that I think God wanted me to learn how to work hard and so thats why he didnt help me when I needed help. Well, it turns out that was NOT what she said and I might of ruined my chances with her because I gave the image that we have a mean God that doesnt answer prayers. Whoops. I hate Japanese. We are teaching her again on Wednesday though.

Yesterday we had a dinner appointment with a member family and one of the members named Ai Shimai invited a friend that isnt a member to eat with us because she was curious what our purpose was and what missionaries do and stuff. So Ai Shimai asked us to talk about our purpose and things. So all night we talked about what we as missionaries do and why we do what we do and what missionary life is like and the members talked about their missions and conversion stories and about Joseph Smith and things. Everything was going awesome! And then we gave a spiritual message on Jesus Christ and how because of him we want to share about him and thats why we came to Japan and we even gave the friend a Book of Mormon and she said she was interested to read it which was awesome! We thought everything went so good! After we returned to our apartment that night, Ai Shimai called us and thanked us for coming over, but then she told us that our message was really bad. I guess her friend was really really confused and felt maybe a little attacked and just way confused. She didnt understand anything. Ai Shimai then continued to give us point after point of how we could improve and what we need to do. I personally appreciate her help because I am clueless still when it comes to missionary work. I am still just a bean in training! And I dont think she was trying to be rude or anything... we just were confused on what was expected of us. Ai Shimai was hoping for something that we didnt deliver. I feel really bad because we probably gave a poor image of missionaries and the church. We thought maybe she understood about the church because all night the member family was using church words and talking about Joseph Smith and his vision and stuff! But I guess the friend didnt understand anything. After the phone call we were both discouraged. That is my worst fear! My absolute worst fear as a missionary came true yesterday and pretty much all week! I ended up staying up way late talking with Morita Shimai (my old companion and the new sister training leader) about all of this. It was a long talk.

I just dont know about this whole being a missionary in Japan thing. I dont want to be all negative and stuff, but I kind of hate it. I keep thinking about how in the MTC one of my teachers said to our class, ``do you even want to be teaching? Because if you dont, why are you wasting your time and the Lords time`` Family, I am wasting my time and the Lords time. I am so scared of teaching and I dont like it! I have been on my mission for 4 months now and as I look back, I can say that they have been an unhappy 4 months. Probably I cant come home because its not that easy, but I really want to. I pleaded with the Lord all morning that I could. When I look at my missionary tag, I get all sorts of terrible emotions. I dont like putting it on in the morning! The night is my favorite and least favorite time of the day because it means the day is over and I get to finally rest, but it also means that as soon as I close my eyes then next thing the happens is the alarm is going off and I have to wake up and do it all again.

I am sorry that this is such a depressing email, but I figure I shouldnt sugar coat anything so you really understand how I feel. I really really really really really want to be home with my family, working a job, and being a disciple of Christ as a normal member.

Anyways, I have some other emails to write now.

But I am super excited that Paige is having ANOTHER girl! Is this one going to be Lela? That is awesome! And congrats to Kandace... I miss the temple. I wish I could be there for that!

I love you all so much!

Love, Miranda

PICTURES!