Week Eighteen.

Mom,
Thank you for your experiences. I remember how hard it was for you when us kids were growing up giving you so much grief. You are a spectactular mother and everyday I am reminded how grateful I am for you. I am learning that I cannot cook at all and so I am really really grateful for your cooking skills in particular!
It sounds like you will have a good concert with that other church. Sister Johnson is a fabulous singer and I feel like my singing skills have gone down the drain ha ha so I know how you feel. Keep working hard!

A BIG thanks to all of my friends that emailed me this week! Your thoughts and words were so helpful. I appreciate your encouragement and the experiences you all shared. Some of you shared very personal experiences in order to help me. I thank you for your vulnerability and kindness in order to help a person in need. Really. I cant thank you enough. I probably look like a silly goose right now in the library because I am crying so much!

As for my week... It was not the best. This week was kinda the aftermath of the hard blow we took from the members so it took awhile to get back up and start working again. The first few days were so sad. Sister Johnson and I would talk forever about the things we missed and that we wanted to go home. It was hard to leave the apartment. We were afraid to teach. We had a lesson on Wednesday with Urasawa san, and she brought her friend from her church and we taught about Jesus Christ. It seemed to be an okay lesson, and we got a new investigator out of it, so thats good. We will teach them both again on Wednesday like usual. The day after I was still feeling pretty low and dreading the end of the week because we had an appointment set to go visit a friend of the member that got so upset with us a few days earlier. Sister Johnson and I were dreading this day so much... It was all we could think about so the spirits were pretty low. The next day was ever worse. I woke up feeling like I had no control of anything in my life. I had no control of my emotions or thoughts. No control over conversation and the language. I didnt know what to do but just lay in my bed with wide eyes looking at the ceiling just freaking out. I have never been so confused in my life. But, I had to keep going so I got up and just tried to do the rest of the day. It was on this day that I particularly was dreading teaching in all aspects. I began doubting everything I knew. My testimony was definitely challenged. My faith disappeared. So it was quite difficult to prepare for the lesson we had the next day with the family that didnt like us. But alas, the day came! When the family came to pick us up we were so nervous, but they acted like nothing had happened... which kinda made the tension a little bit awkward. We had a 2 hour drive to the friends house so we tried holding conversation, which we were able to alright. They did tell us EXACTLY what they wanted us to say at the lesson and we told experiences we had that would relate to what we were going to teach and the family would tell us if that experience was okay to share or not. We just did exactly what they said. Anyways, the appointment went pretty good. We didnt even teach a lesson in the end and just ended up talking with the family we were visiting and ate lunch. They liked us and want us to come back again, so thats good! After the appointment was over (thank goodness!) we went to District Conference which is like Stake Conference. It was nice to see the other missionaries in our zone! But when I saw President Rasmussen I got really freaked out. He is so intimidating to me. I am realizing that I maybe have a problem with leaders... everytime I see him I just want to hide and cry! It is a weird phenomenon, for sure. But district conference was all right. I didnt understand it. I remember when church used to be an awesome spiritual experience... But here church is just a big giant day of language study now. Japanese people talk so fast! I cant tell when a word starts and when a word ends. District Conference was a two day thing so we went back to conference on Sunday. Everytime Sister Rasmussen would talk I would think about you, mom, because sometimes she would say things exactly like you would or her voice would literally sound identical to yours. It made me miss you. I dont know if it really did sound like your voice or if my mind just made it sound that way. The good thing about this day was that there is a family in our branch named the Takahashi Family. They are so fun. They help the missionaries so much. They have bought me so many winter clothes just out of the kindness of their hearts. After church was over, one of the Takahashi girls that is 24 was having a hard time or something. I dont really know what was up but Sister Morita told me to go hug her, so I did. And when I did she was crying so much and she kept saying ``Arigato Roba chan. Arigato!`` Then I was able to understand that she said something that meant ``I am so happy that you are here serving in Aizu.`` So that was a big confidence booster. I started to cry, too. Then we proceded to make movies on our cameras of us acting like zombies. That was fun!
Anyways, all in all, it was kinda another bad week because we had to pick ourselves up after the disaster. I dont know how that one member family feels about us now, but I did write them an apology letter. I havent heard anything back from it though and its been a few days. Maybe Sister Johnson and I will get transferred or something because of the problem. I dont really know. Well see.
As for how I feel right at this moment, I am so grateful for all of the encouragement I have received. It makes me feel so much better and like I can do this! Everyones experiences really touched my heart.  Anyways, thank you for all the prayers and help that everyone has given me! I dont want you to think that they went to waste. They really did help me. It is so nice to know that I am loved. That is really just want I need to hear the most, so thank you.
Until next week, bye bye!
Love, Sister Miranda Robertson