Week Four.

Konnichiwa mina san!

 

Oh boy do I have so much to tell you! This week was not my best... It was pretty hard actually.

Let me first tell you that as of late, I have been so terrified to teach. Well, really I have been so terrified to teach ever since I got here. I love the MTC but I just really really don't like teaching my investigators which is so bad because I'm a missionary and that's what I do! I teach!

I think the reason is that I'm just so nervous about my Nihongo and plus my companion Orr Shimai is just so good at it that tokidoki (sometimes) it is easy for me to fell inadequate maybe? Or inferior? I just can't really say stuff like she can. Let me tell you a funny story to illustrate this point...

We've been teaching our investigator Iwata-san about the gospel of Jesus Christ. Yesterday we taught him about repentance, but it was kind of a surprise lesson and we didn't know we were going to be teaching him so we were only semi prepared. Usually we like to mogi (role play) our lessons for practice before we go so we know what to say and what kind of questions they might ask. Well we didn't mogi this time! So Orr Shimai starts by wonderfully recapping on our last lesson which was faith and then I started teaching about repentance. I told Iwata-san that repentance is changing. He asked, "what changes?" and I didn't really know how to say anything to answer that question so I attempted telling a personal experience. You all will think this is funny... I tried telling him about the one time when I was a little kid and I used to steal candy from the store. But after I stole the candy, I felt bad. So I went back to the store and said "sorry." And after I said sorry I felt better and happy! That is change. But of course how in the world does someone who doesn't know Japanese tell a story like that?! Well, I attempted to and it was just hilarious. It was so bad! We were all kind of laughing but I was also really embarrassed! It was a funny lesson, but the spirit was definitely not there at all.

I've been having a hard time really understanding the spirit and how to teach by it and through it. I don't ever feel impressed to talk about something and it is so hard for me to really decipher what my investigators really NEED. I pray and pray and read and read but I just really don't have any idea what I am doing! I am not a very good teacher. Actually, I'm quite bad at it. My companion and I had to teach the lesson on Sunday to our district and I just didn't really know how to do it! I'm finding myself wanting to just sit back in lessons and let my companion say everything. I would rather just not say anything besides maybe the prayer. I can do that!

This was really becoming a problem and a concern for me so I really went to the scriptures for answers. Orr Shimai found this scripture and shared it with me one day. It is about Enoch and he is asking the Lord why He was called to be his servant.

"And when Enoch had heard these words, he ^abowed himself to the earth, before the Lord, and spake before the Lord, saying: ^bWhy is it that I have found favor in thy sight, and am but a lad, and all the people ^chate me; for I am ^dslow of speech; wherefore am I thy servant?

 And the Lord said unto Enoch: Go forth and do as I have commanded thee, and no man shall pierce thee. Open thy ^amouth, and it shall be filled, and I will give thee utterance, for all flesh is in my hands, and I will do as seemeth me good."

 

I feel exactly like Enoch. I'm slow of speech and I am just a kid... how can I do this great work? Well the Lord's reply to that is, "Miranda, go forth and do what I have commanded you to do. I know what I'm doing and I know what you are capable of. I wouldn't have called you if I didn't know you could do it. Study the scriptures and when you open your mouth to preach my gospel, I will give unto you what you should say to help your investigators. I am in charge here. Don't worry."

I'm grateful for the scriptures to teach my lessons! In addition to this experience I must tell you about what happened just last night in class. So we were all teaching our two Nihonjin investigators Iwata-san (that's when I told the terrible candy story.) and Kimura-san (he's new!). Afterwards, both our sensei's came into class and just POUNDED us with how not good of missionaries we were being. They both said that when we teach them (when they are playing investigators) they like never feel the spirit. They said our lessons are boring and asked us if we were in their place, would we invite the missionaries back? I think everyone in the room kinda knew the answer to that... no, we wouldn't. Then Kosaka Sensei asked, "do you even want to be teaching your investigators? If not, why are you here? Why are you wasting the Lord's time?" I thought about that and realized that for these past couple weeks my answer to that question probably is, no! I don't want to because I'm scared and this is hard! But now I realize that yes, yes I do want to because it is right and it is what God needs of me. We had a discussion on how we can improve which helped then we watched a video from the District about how we can better teach to our investigators needs and to most imporantly, LOVE THEM! After we watched the video we mogi'd with each other and gave little short 5 minute lessons on baptism and we got to teach in ENGLISH. Orr Shimai and I taught Nielson Choro and Watanabe Choro and then we switched and they taught us. Family and friends, the spirit was indescribable. It was crazy because even though I know them and they were just playing a fake character, I just loved them so much. I can't even describe it! I just wanted so bad for Watanabe san to accept baptism. I think I started to cry even when I was bearing my testimony about how important baptism is! It was just so incredible! I hope I can teach my investigators in the same manner.

The most important thing I have learned throughout this experience is that I can be the worst teacher ever and still be okay. You know why? Because as long as I invite the spirit into the lessons and live a life worthy of the spirit, the SPIRIT will teach the lessons. And I think we all know how qualified the spirit is to teach the gospel of Jesus Christ. I am not the teacher here, the spirit is.

It was quite a remarkable day yesterday and definitely a life changing experience for the rest of my mission.

I'm grateful for everyone's support and prayers. I definitely can see the blessings in my life from your prayers and thoughts.

I know that this gospel is true and that Jesus Christ Lives! He is the way! The only way!

I challenge you all to really evaluate your lives and if there is anything that is not in harmony with God's plan, please change it. Repent everyday and come unto Christ. Think like Him. Act like Him. Teach and love like Him. Do not waste your time on this earth doing wordly things! There are people to help! There are people that need you! Yes, every one of you!

I leave this testimony with you in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

Love, Sister Robertson.